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BY DEBRA JILL GREEN, LMFT

Articles

How to Use Consequences Effectively

Kids are “live in the moment” individuals. Their developmental age keeps them interested in what is happening in front of them. This is different from adults. Adults consider the moment, the immediate future, and the impact from the past or from their personal experiences. Adults can make decisions based on the best assessed outcome for them and for those around them. Adults are aware of the consequences of their actions. Children are much less aware of this and need to learn it as they grow into teenagers and adults, at which point, their brain will fully develop and they will think more like adults. When we want our children to listen to us or follow our guidance, we are taking into account all of the factors that will impact the decision. Kids simply do not do that. Somewhere, deep down on an unconscious level, they know that they are too

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December 4, 2024

Disregulation: How to help children communicate feelings simply and clearly

Part of being a “feelings doctor” to children and families requires me to get creative and be flexible when supporting the expression of feelings. So many parents tell me that they would like their children to say what they are feeling instead of crying, hitting, or melting down. This is not so simple. It is not necessarily in their repertoire to know how to identify and express their feelings so clearly. We need them to first understand what is happening to them and what might be the triggers for their feelings, then they have to access the language to express those feelings. The concept of disregulation is tough to explain to children but it is possible. I’d like to share with you how I explain it so they can learn how to attach words to their feelings and to effectively express to you what is sending them into a state

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July 9, 2024

Disregulation: What does it mean and what does it look like in my child?

Self-regulation, disregulation, co-regulation. These are some popular words in the child development and therapeutic community. They are often used by parent coaches and in parent circles as well. Sometimes though, in every day life, it might be hard to use these terms or to understand how they apply to your family or to your children. I like to describe regulation or disregulation to my clients as the difference between feeling relaxed and comfortable in comparison to any discomfort the body is in or if our emotions are somehow bigger than usual. An example I’ve referenced before is if we have not met the Bare Bones in our daily lives. This simply is when our system is not regulated and we feel either hungry or tired. We might be grumpy or snappy as grown ups. Our children might lose control of their bodies by hitting or melting down or they might

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June 14, 2024

The Bare Bones: Sleep Strategies

Why is it so hard for my child to fall asleep? From the minute our babies are born, we can be consumed or overwhelmed with getting them to sleep. I know that I cannot function well at all without a decent amount of sleep. When my children didn’t sleep, I suffered too, making it difficult for me to do my every day responsibilities. Getting our children to be good sleepers is almost a right of passage for parents. However, I’m not sure having that expectation is so fair since I see many families in which the children have compromised sleep. Actually, one of the biggest presenting problems in my practice for behavioral issues stems from challenged sleep. Judging your parenting based on whether your children sleep well is not helpful. I believe it can be quite difficult to get kids to be good sleepers and it would be helpful to

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April 10, 2024

The Bare Bones: End-of-Day Tantrums 

Tantrums can be so tough. Maybe you’re trying to get dinner on the table after a long day at work or you’re winding down trying to get the children to  bed and the melt downs start.   Why does this always happen at the end of the day when we are so tired?   Well, that is the reason. Our threshold is so much lower at the end of the day. The same for our children. A school day is exhausting for them.   Don’t you wonder why there is at least a 6 week transition when our children start school in the fall? Everything is calm and smooth in the summer, seems like there are no problems at all. Then, school starts and all of a sudden they are showing new or even old behaviors you thought were resolved. Our kids’  young minds are being used in a very different way for school and it requires a

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March 31, 2024

The Bare Bones: Sleep and Bedtime Routine

I think it’s worth devoting some time talking about sleep and establishing a good bedtime routine. Sleep is what I consider one of the Bare Bones that are necessary for physical and emotional regulation. Ultimately, it’s important for both adults and children to have a consistent, healthy sleep schedule.  However, developmentally, kids are not able to regulate their bodies the way adults can. As adults, we forget once we are older what it feels like to be a child. We might like to stay up late on a weekend night and then sleep in to make sure we get enough sleep. Even if we don’t sleep in, we can check our bodies and figure out what we need to manage ourselves so that we can still  function throughout the day.   Children are not able to regulate their bodies so easily. For one, they really don’t know how to identify that feeling. Children live in the moment and

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March 31, 2024

Parenting Strategy Videos

Welcome to The Green Room Therapy

EXPLORE

How to Understand and Manage Tantrums

EXPLORE

Emotional and Physical Disregulation in Children

EXPLORE

Understanding the Use of Consequences

EXPLORE

Reinforcement to Shape Behavior

EXPLORE

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With appreciation,
Debra Jill Green, LMFT | The Green Room Therapy
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